Dear Abby, dear Abby, you won’t believe this . . .

I’m borrowing the idea for this post from another blogger.  I am able to see the search terms people run on the internet when they stumble across my blog.  I once read a blog where the blogger fashioned these searches as letters to Dear Abby.  She replied in kind.  It was a riot!  So here goes:

Dear sigara boregi,  You write me every day.  Yes, you are a delicious appetizer.  What more can I say?  I gave the people what they want – your recipe.  I can do no more!

Dear louis xiv furniture, you write me several times a day!  I have nothing to say to you!  You are so out of style that even Louis himself won’t sit on you anymore.  Please check out the new fashions.  I can send you some links.  In fact, I will give you my old furniture if that’s any help.

Dear st. joesph’s university, pa., yes it’s true.  THE HAWK WILL NEVER DIE!

Dear where to buy amish blakc skirt, first rule of the internet – you must spell correctly!  Why for heaven’s sakes would you ask me this question?  Do a little research.  The Amish make their own skirts!  You might try stealing one from a clothesline.  But if you get caught, you didn’t hear it from me!

Dear my ankara wordpress, are you stalking me or what?

Dear big mac styrofoam, you are one bad dude.  Styrofoam is bad bad bad.  Lighten up.  We don’t care if your burgers are a little less hot.  Bad.  Bad.  Bad.

Dear terry kaymak, yes, that’s my name, not my number, don’t wear it out.  Oh, so childish of me.

Dear iskender, there are at least 62 people looking for you.  What have you done?  Where have you gone?

Dear west chester pa, don’t lose your self-confidence.  You are a beautiful place.  One of my top 5!

Dear renault megane, no worries.  I will cherish you always.  You are part of my beloved family:  the Dodge Omni 024, the Suzuki Samuri, the Saturn, and the Nissan Xterra.  Your siblings, my babies.  And yes, your stick is just as big as theirs were.

Dear why did i move to turkey, how the *(&^%$#^! should I know?  Perhaps you had nothing better to do, like me.

Dear homer and bart neck, child abuse is a serious matter.  One day your boy will mature physically before he does so mentally, so watch your back!  (or your neck as the case may be.)

Dear i love trash, Oscar!  Is it you????

Dear you and your hair, Seriously?  I thought I was the only one who read that book!

Dear kaymak . . . am , my Turkish is better than you think!  You my friend are a big fat pervert!  Stay away from my blog!

And finally, my personal favorite – although it is an inside joke:

Dear Rob Taylor Manning, what’s the deal with the double last name?  Is it hyphenated?  A manly-man with two last names!  Loving it.

Finally, I leave you all with this . . . a great song from 1973 entitled “Dear Abby” by John Prine (Sweet Revenge album).  It’s an oldie but a goodie!


Note:  While I thought this was a great idea for a blog post, the funniest search terms are those that occur only once.  Unfortunately, they are no longer available to me on WordPress.  I’ll keep track of them myself for the next time.

This post is dedicated to my big brother Rich, who opened my ears to great music (Arlo Guthrie, The Grateful Dead, etc.), recited the poetry of Shakespeare and others to me, taught me to appreciate PBS and the BBC, and introduced me to Dear Abby. 


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